Monday, December 26, 2011

Dating in the 21st Century: Is it unrealistic to hold on to traditional views?



If you're a single woman in the 21st century, then you probably wouldn't expect the guys you are currently dating to: call you and have long stimulating conversations with you, pick you up from your house, take you to a fancy restaurant, show you a great night, walk you to your door and give you a kiss good night with no intention to get into your bedroom. (This would be considered: the "dream" guy even though decades ago this used to be how every man would be expected to date you)

Now the guys you are currently dating are more likely to text you sporadically and if they text you on consistent basis it would indicate they are very interested in you. Calling you every night would be almost be a stretch with just quite a few men feeling comfortable doing so. On a first date, you probably would be more comfortable meeting him at the place with some women ,depending on the region,even driving with her date in the passenger. Restaurants and movies are now more reserved for "couples" than actual people who would like to date. (If you see two people in a restaurant, the assumption would probably be that the are more likely to be a couple than people on a first date.) Now "dates" are in more unconventional places like the bars and even the person's home. He'll probably be walking to your door because there's an understanding he will be in your bedroom.

For some 21st century women, before this date even happens, she may have already hooked up with her male partner and then decided to go on a date with him. Before it was talk, court/date, marry than sex. Now the accepted process can be sex, talk, date, then marry.

Now is it wrong for a single woman to expect the traditional process?


On the flip side, if you are a single man in the 21st century, then you probably wouldn't expect your date to be anything like the woman decades ago who would only be dating you because of the intent to marry.  You wouldn't expect her to make you wait 15 dates before the thought of sex came to mind.
Women now can date for fun, for money, or just for the hell of it to get out the house and grab a bite. Just as different reasons for dating has been socially accepted, so has casual sex.

 Now a single man can expect some women to help pay or pay for the date.
They're no longer expected to be gentleman holding doors and pulling out chairs, as some women have vehemently opposed asserting their independence.
Given that the stigma of casual sex has virtually disappeared, single men should expect some women to have a high number of sexual partners, even surpassing theirs.
The 21st century allowed women to become more aggressive with sexual advances, absolving men from responsibility, killing chivalry and courting .
A single man should also expect that a single woman, contrary to dating one person years ago, will have other options. Vice versa for the single woman.

Now is it wrong for a single man to expect the woman he dates to be a virgin or have a low count of sexual partners or be the only person he's dating?

Our dating scene and process finding "the one" or our "soulmates" has drastically changed. Women expect a knight in shining armor and a gentleman but look for their future partners in clubs and bars where the intent is to "hook up". All while men's expectations of women are built on fantasy, what they see on TV, celebrities/models, and what they "think" their dream superwoman should be like.

We haven't fully accepted that we've changed the dating scene and blurred gender roles making it harder to stay in healthy relationships which can develop into a marriage built off honest and realistic expectations of our partner. We are a reflection of who we attract and who we date but do we truly understand how we're dating in the first place?


Cool Links!

Dating in the 21st Century

"But how far must dating deteriorate before things change for the better?"
-Link also offers the true origin of Valentine's Day!


The 21st Century Dating Scene

Dating Do's and Don'ts
"I can't read women anymore. Some women want men to act out the traditional chivalrous role. Others are extremely independent and are offended if you open the door for them."




Love in the 21st Century -CBS news
(CBS)  Looking for love in all the wrong places? 

Well, you might not be alone. The number of single adults has reached all-time highs. Nearly 90 million Americans need all the help they can get to land a date, let alone find their ultimate soul mate. 

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